i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
