I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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