i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
