I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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