Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
so much tequila, so little girl.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
