I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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