I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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