Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
