dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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