I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
