that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
