apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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