So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize