We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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