I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
