Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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