You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
