You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize