The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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