you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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