this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
