I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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