Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize