He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
