thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
