omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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