hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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