I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
