It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
