he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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