So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
