The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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