I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
