You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
