I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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