I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
