I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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