pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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