And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
