He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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