I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
