I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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