you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
