I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
