Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
