i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
