Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
