My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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