When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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