You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
