every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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