So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
