We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize