Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
