every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
