So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
