How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
