His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
