i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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