i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
