im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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