i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
