so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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