just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
