I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize