i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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