i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
