I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
