Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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