You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
