cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
