I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
