When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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