Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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