What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
