it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
