Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
50% drunk capacity currently
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
