you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
