don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
