the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
