we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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