Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
