What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
