There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
