I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
