I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
