Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
