dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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