that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize