evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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