so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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