Where are you?
In a non slutty way
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
