put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
