Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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