Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
