Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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