If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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