He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
