So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
