Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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