put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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