i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize