tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Mom said you looked used
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
