he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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