I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
