I want to have your abortion
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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