I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
