I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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