I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
