I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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