this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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